This past weekend both of my bigs went off to college. G back to NKU for his sophomore year and M to MSU for her freshman year. As any parent going through this will tell you, especially us moms, it is so hard to let go. So hard. Last year when G left I think I cried for 2 months. I’m barely keeping it together right now, especially with them both away. It’s the unknown that scares me. The what ifs… I know that their 20th century parents… (yes, me their stepdad, biological dad and their tough stepmother too)raised them to be strong, smart kids but that doesn’t stop my every waking moment of worry. I know I have a good relationship with them both, I know if they have concerns and don’t ask me, they have a huge supportive family to talk to. But it doesn’t change a mommas worry. To be accepted, peer pressure, stress of grades, sports performance… I worry.
It’s funny how every year since G & M were little I took a first day of school picture…. And now it’s a picture without a backpack, but one sending them away, a hug with me trying not to bawl my eyes out. Because, G hates when his mom cries and if I do it when M is there she will start to cry too. Hold It Together Momma! This year G’s dad and uncle L took him to school, he drove through the night 8hours and arrived at 4:30am in Kentucky. I slept awful that night because I kept checking in on him, damn you and love you Life 360 app! I can’t help it, I worry.
I was so excited to take M to school, best part is she is only 45 minutes from home, but still not at home. Her move in was absolutely the biggest cluster ever! It was unorganized with tons of kids, parents and exhaustion. With G I worry about all the normal things a mom worries about with her son. What I am finding out is that my worry for my daughter is very different, even though she is only 45 mins away. Not only is she a freshman, having all the normal freshman concerns but she is also for the first time seeing what it is like to be a minority. M has chosen to go to a predominately African American school, she got an amazing scholarship and loves the coach who recruited her. The minority status she has did not phase her in the least when she chose MSU, she has friends of all races but I know she must have worry, to be accepted in school is hard enough. I have worry, being a woman is hard enough, women are so mean to other women. I worry. My girl is so strong, she has proven over and over her strength to overcome setbacks, but that doesn’t change my worry. I know M is going to do amazing. Why? Because she never gives up, even when she thinks she might, she never does, she adapts, she overcomes, she dominates, she conquers.
Just as her brother has before her. Never gives in, works hard, proves his worth for him and no one else but himself. In the end the only things you truly have to answer to are yourself and God.
But Momma still worries, and never will stop.
American Made Momma 