When someone questions your loyalty, you need to realize they actually are questioning theirs. When your loyalty is questioned, you need to know it is okay to walk away from that relationship because those that question your loyalty can never truly be loyal, faithful, honest or truthful with you. Learn to let go, even when it hurts.

Today my adorable nephew came to me completely unprovoked, scared. Terrified, scared about death and what happens when you die. On March 31st, when he was 2.5years old my brother placed him into my arms as the EMTs stopped trying to bring his mother back from an overdose. In that moment I promised God and her that I would never fail him. It breaks me inside knowing she will not be here physically to be part of his life. That my brother is in prison because drugs are in reality, even if he says differently more important than his son. Today I held my boy as he calmed. Today I talked about angels and heaven. Tomorrow I will continue to NEVER fail him or his cousins. All my children. Today I might have really pissed off someone with my post. Today I don’t care. Well, in reality I don’t care if I’m ever judged. Because we are all allowed to speak the truth. My FB post….

Amy Sulewski , last week your little man started Kindergarten and T-Ball. He is TRULY an amazing little boy. Your missing out and I need to say I am angry today for your and my brothers choices. Today MY sweet boy asked me about death. Today he was scared. Today I had to have one of the most difficult conversations and it is NOT fair. I WILL PROTECT, LOVE AND TEACH him about what life is. I will be judged. I will be condemned for saying my peace. But I have never given a damn about what people think of my parenting or the way I take care of MY family. I love and miss you so much. But I am so sad and angry still at you both. I don’t know if I will ever get over it. Brooks, Logan, your mom, Jen, your family and I deserved better. We miss you.

Strong Seed… this was a phrase I heard tonight… As a woman who looks in the mirror and only sees her children’s eyes looking back at her, the strength of a seed means nothing. Why do I wonder where my eyes came from? Seems a lost dream indeed. But there are moments when the overwhelming need of knowing overcomes me. I know genetics, does not mean parents. Parents are a choice. Being a parent is a choice. Blood means nothing when you love, nurture and care for a child. Strong Seeds, walk away everyday.

Same Days you wonder why. Some days you wonder how. Some days you pray to God. Some days you say this is Mine…

Momming… Hardest job. The balance can seem an overwhelming obstacle. As a parent you need to guide, praise and support decisions of your grown children, even if its not the choice you would have made. The only way your children can become adults is by owning their choices. Now…poor, harmful choices you have every rights to scream and yell your making a stupid ass mistake… But thoughtful choices, that scare you as a parent, but are not wrong choices, you must stand by and support. Because that is parenting, at its hardest. 💙 Go Navy💙 So Proud. STANDING Tall By Your Side.

God Only Hands You What You Can Handle.

But some days I question this. Ever see the movie National Treasure, the scene where they are balancing on the large square rock. One wrong move they are all done for. Some days, it feels like that.

I will never fail my nephew like his parents did when they chose their drugs over their son. He lost his mother because of her choices. His father, my brother still after over two years does not have a sense of what the reality of his actions are. He told me he feels like he is losing his son and wants overnights, then in the same breath tells me his hasn’t been totally clean these past 2.5years. Here is my response….

The only person that can make you lose your son is you and your choices. Are you making wise choices?? When it comes to facetime, he is a 4-year old little boy that has days when he doesn’t want to talk on the phone, mostly because he is preoccupied playing because that is his priority. He enjoys spending time with you, so stop being so dramatic. Thank you for being honest with me regarding your sobriety. Your sobriety needs to be your main concern because without it you have nothing else. As you explained you were sober from February 2020 to May 2020, from use of opioids, where you gave in. You have been telling me you’ve been clean this entire time. So you have been lying to all of us and jeopardizing the safety of your family, again. Now supposedly you’re clean again. Your honesty is appreciated. Here are some additional concerns; you do not have a steady job; your still breaking the law by driving without a license; your smoking in your house with your children; I still do not trust you 100%. All of these issues are why there will not be any overnights with Brooks and just daytime visits. Brooks needs consistency in his life, he needs stability, he needs to know that his father is trying to better his life. You talk the talk, but have not proven you can walk the line. We want you in your sons life, your his father. He deserves to have a father that can behave as a responsible adult who makes true sacrifices for his children to give them a better life. All of your behaviors have not changed. If it wasn’t for your girlfriend in all honesty I would not let you be alone with Brooks, because I don’t trust you. The baby has his mother to protect him from your bad choices and behaviors, your son has ME. I will protect him and fight for him, forever. Because you can’t be trusted to be clean and that breaks my heart. Your my baby brother, I love you. I want to see you succeed and be a productive, healthy adult in society and in your family life. But you have not shown that ever. You have not even contributed to his care in 2 years. You told me your sons are your motivation to better your life. Prove it. I just see you spinning in the same circle and not actually moving forward. Its extremely sad to me, I know your capable of doing better. Being sober for 5 months and then only another 2 months, that is not moving forward. I’m glad that you keep going back to try to be sober, that is wonderful. My job is to make sure your son, my nephew has a healthy, safe, loving and stable life. You understood that when you gave me custody of Brooks, because you knew you did not have the ability or resources to give him those things in life. I take my responsibility extremely serious, he is my main concern. I need you to be straight and to work to better yourself. There will never be any overnights until I 100% know your able to not have a setback in your sobriety. I’m NOT willing to risk your sons life because you can’t control your behaviors. We all have choices, start making wise ones.

My Dearest Nona,

I still hear your lessons….

You can not hear, if your yelling and crying.

Just Be yourself, no one else is like you.

Always be fair even if your not treated fairly

Be kind, because in the end that is what matters.

Tell the truth, even if it will hurt or get you in trouble.

You don’t always have to like someone

Be patient, life has a way of adjusting.

Your family is your family, you might love them but you don’t have to like them.

There are no regrets just your lessons.

Mistakes are made, don’t make them twice.

Love, love, love.

Time is precious. Moments are memories.

In life being humble could be your greatest accomplishment.

Togetherness is more important than gifts.

Forgive. You don’t have to forget. But forgive for yourself.

Miss you.

Love Your Darling

Motherhood. Judged daily. We wake praying for the best but planning for the worst. I AM SO FAR from perfect, so far, but I do my best to make sure I give my all for my children, for my family. What I have learned in these 44 years is that my goals are for my children, born or placed in my arms , to know love, know right from wrong and understand that being strong and humble come hand in hand. That if you question my parenting… you are questioning your own.

Check the 5 different DNA sites daily/weekly and there are zero changes.

Think your okay not knowing who you see when you look into the mirror

Want your children to know where their ancestors in reality come from

Some days… I’m like…I’ve been molested, I’ve been mentally abused, I’ve been cheated on, I’ve had miscarriages, I’ve been lied to by people I trust, My parents are alcoholics, my mother is a nudist, my father is gay, my brother is a criminal….. Judge me for me not for my surroundings…. Because….

I’m a mother, I’m a wife, I’m a sister, I’m a daughter, I’m a cousin, I’m a niece, I’m a friend

I am me… not what they expected me to be.